Marriage in Islam
Each country and culture is rich with rituals that are extravagant and elaborate. From someone outside that country, learning how these rituals are done is an eye-opening experience. Marriage in Islam is something that can teach people about the sacredness of the ritual. Marriages in Islam are based on equality and marital love has qualities that would make the relationship flourish. There are some myths about Islam marriage, including arranged marriages, beating of wives, and oppression of women. The marriage ceremony also includes components, and there are several types of marriage in Islam.
Fundamentals of Islam Marriages
Islam is one of the religions which strongly support marriage. They do not believe in celibacy the way Catholic priests and nuns do. Muslims follow what their prophet said that “there is no celibacy in Islam” (Jannah.org). Additionally, Muslims hold fast to what their Quran says about marriage. Allah has created a mate for every person so that they would live in peace and in equality. This is the basis, the objectives and goal of Islam marriage. The Quran further tells that equality is important to steer a man and a woman away from the road towards dysfunctional marriage. The problem usually arises when a person thinks and insists that he or she is superior or greater and the other person may become an easy prey. This could usually result to marital problems associated with control and rule stratagem (Islam Awareness).
The basis for every marriage should be equality. Allah has assigned husband and wife their specific roles. The prophet Mohammad himself has stated that “men and women are twin halves of each other. Additionally, the prophet and the Quran stressed that man and woman both came from one source. This means that man and woman are interdependent in their relationships. Muslim marriages are also different in such a way that the love between the man and woman can only be expressed within the context of a legal marriage. Muslims believe that their marriages should be guided and protected by Shariah so that the marital relationship is healthy and the love between the couple can flourish (Islam Awareness).
Islamic marital love consists of other qualities that must be realized for the success of the marriage. There must be faith. Muslim couples love each other so that Allah is pleased. The love should also sustain, meaning that couples must sustain each other physically, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually. Then there should be acceptance. This indicates that one must accept fully the person who he or she is going to marry. Muslims think that controlling someone or making molding him to the way that his or her spouse wants is selfishness. Each person should accommodate the differences between them (Siddiqui).
Aside from all of these, marital love is merciful. Mercy is love and love is mercy. Being merciful means compassion and charity. Also, marital love is forgiving and respectful. Through forgiving, individuals can improve and correct themselves. They should also respect the opinions and contributions of each one. Through respect, individuals can keep from taking their spouses for granted. Then there should also be kindness and care, meaning that marital love encourages people to think first about the needs of their spouses. There should also be growth, and this means that the relationship is improving. Growth comes with commitment. Furthermore, a marital love should be selfless and truthful (Siddiqui).
Myths in Islam Marriage
Arranged marriages. This is one of the hearsays regarding the oppression of women in Islam marriages. Arranged marriages originated from other countries such as Iran and Iraq. Muslim women can freely choose their future husband. Moreover, they can agree or disagree to a prospective husband (“Marriage in Islam” 1).
Beating of wives. This is another myth which must have arisen through the misinterpretation of a passage in Quran which talks about the “permissibility of the striking of a woman” (“Marriage in Islam” 2).
Oppression of women. Muslim women should not be treated unfairly. They should not be treated as slaves or sexual playthings. They should not be sold or traded. Instead, women should be loved by their husbands (“Marriage in Islam” 3).
Marriage Ceremony
Like the customary ceremony in Catholic marriages, Islam marriages include activities before, during, and after. They have engagement ceremony, which is also called Mangni (Rizvi). Dating is prohibited in Islam. Not just dating but any kind of pre-marital relationships. The fact that a Muslim is going to choose a person who’s going to be his or her spouse for the rest of their lives is not something that should be taken lightly. One who wants to enter into marriage should take it seriously with prayer and involvement of family. When the person wants to get married, his family helps him by suggesting candidates. After narrowing down the potential prospects, the family then approaches the other family for a meeting (About.com).
Dowry is another important matter in terms of Islam marriage ceremony. Muslim women are allowed to bring anything without being forced to do it (Rizvi). However, bridegrooms are assigned to give a required marriage gift called Mahr which symbolizes his “commitment to take care of all the family exoenses…” (Islamic Information Office).
Another feature of Islam marriages is Haraam acts. Haraam means ‘forbidden.’ One example of Haraam is the playing of music. Another example could be the ladies who would go for mixed gatherings. Additionally, Muslims consider marriage as an ‘aqd, meaning contract. It includes some components, such as the proposal. Muslims believe that proposal shows dignity for women, as well as respectability (Rizvi).
Another component is Mahr, which is already mentioned above. The Quran includes the instruction for men to bring and give Mahr to their wives. Mahr is something that the husband and wife have agreed upon. It is also the wife’s right, which the husband must fulfill. It is a free gift, which may come in the form of cash or non-material (Rizvi). Without Mahr, the marriage will not be valid (Jannah.org).
Furthermore, the Nikah ceremony is an important part of every Islam marriage. Its primary purpose is to solemnize the marriage between man and wife (Shashi 36). The woman recites “I have given away myself in Nikah to you, on the agreed Mahr” to which the man accepts by saying, “I have accepted the Nikah.” With these statements, they become husband and wife (Rizvi).
Types of Marriage
Mut’ah. Mut’ah is a temporary marriage which can last depending on the decision of the man and the woman. It could be five days or six months. Both parties specify the start and end of the marriage. The man also pays the woman a small Mahr. After the time of their marriage is over, both are free from the marriage. However, despite the agreement of both parties on the Mut’ah, it is forbidden – although some scholars believe otherwise – it is considered adultery or fornication. This is because the only purpose of Mut’ah is to meet the physical needs (Islam Awareness).
Mesyar. Mesyar is marriage of convenience. Just like the debates regarding Mut’ah, some people believe that Mesyar is lawful while others contest this idea. This type of marriage persisted because men would usually prefer this rather than commit adultery. Women also enter into Mesyar to prepare themselves for the real marriage. A survey has been conducted to know what the majority of Muslims think about Mesyar. The survey showed that 36.25% of the respondents believe that the society does not accept Mesyar. On the other hand, 16.25% percent think that the society accepts it. When asked if they would consider entering into Mesyar marriages, the percentage of those who said yes was lower than those who said no. Interestingly, the majority of respondents believe that men enter into Mesyar for their pleasure (Al-Salak).
Urfi. Urfi means secret. The issue with this type of marriage is that young people would usuall resort to Urfi marriages as a legal alternative to premarital sex, which Islams condemn. Additionally, Urfi seems the best option for men who have difficulty dealing with the financial obligations and commitments associated with the official marriage ceremony. However, women are usually the losers when their husbands decided to destroy the marriage document to end the relationship. Since the husband destroyed the marriage document, the wife cannot prove the marriage. This puts her in a compromising situation because she might not be able to marry or obtain financial support (Shahine).
This marriage usually takes place among university students. There has been a move to ban Urfi marriages to prevent women from losing their rights (Shahine).
Marriage with the Quran. This type of marriage usually happened among some families when they cannot find the suitable husband for their females. The girl’s head is covered and is taught the Holy Quran in a ceremony. This is called marriage with the Quran because the girl stays with the Quran. There are still families which conduct this, especially when they “do not give the share to female members of the family (Islam Awareness).
Marriage in Islam is based on Allah’s take on equality. There is no truth in hearsays regarding the arranged marriages, beating of wives, and oppression of women. The marriage ceremony includes engagement, wherein dating is prohibited, dowry, Haraam acts, Mahr, and Nikah ceremony. The types of marriages in Islam include Mut’ah, Mesyar, Urif, and Marriage with the Quran.
Works Cited
About.com. 2009. “Courtship in Islam.” 13 March 2009 <http://islam.about.com/blcourtship.htm>.
Al-Salak. N.d. Mesyar: A Convenience or Contentious Issue. Islam Awareness. 13 March 2009 <http://www.islamawareness.net/Marriage/Misyar/mesyar1.html>.
Islam Awareness. N.d. “Marriage in Islam.” 13 March 2009 <http://www.islamawareness.net/Marriage/shahina.html>.
Islamic Information Office. 2007. Marriage Ceremony in Islam: the Basics. Muslim Association of Hawai’i. 13 March 2009 <http://www.iio.org/article.php?story=20070702010715786>.
Jannah.org. n.d. “Marriage in Islam.” 13 March 2009 <http://www.jannah.org/sisters/marr.html>.
“Marriage in Islam: What is it really like for Muslim Women?” 2008. Associated Content. 13 March 2009 <http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/625269/marriage_in_islam_what_is_it_really.html?cat=34>.
Rizvi, Syed Athar Husain S.H. Islamic Marriage. India: World Islamic Network, n.d.
Shahine, Gihan. N.d. Illegitimate, illegal or just ill-advised? Islam Awareness. 13 March 2009 <http://www.islamawareness.net/Marriage/Urfi/urfi1.html>.
Shashi, Shyam Singh. Encyclopaedia of Indian Tribes. Anmol Publications PVT.LTD., 1997.
Siddiqui, Shahina. N.d. Marriage in Islam. Islam Awareness. 13 March 2009 <http://www.islamawareness.net/Marriage/shahina.html>.
