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I Ate the Divorce Papers

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    I ate them. That’s right. I ate the divorce documents. Charles. I ate them with catsup. And they were good… goooood. You likely want me to acquire serious about our divorce. The thing is you ever called our matrimony a gag. So let’s usage logic here: If A we ne’er had a serious matrimony so B we can’t have a serious divorce. No. We can’t. The whole thing’s a travesty. Charles – a travesty that tastes good with catsup. I mean. wasn’t it last hebdomad. your pa asked you the ground you walked down that aisle with me. and you said “for the exercising. ” Ha. hour angle. That’s good story.

    You’re a amusing cat. Charles. I’m express joying. non a weeping. Ha. hour angle. I’m laughing because you’re about to give up on a adult female who is boundlessly loveable. For case: Paul. He has loved me since the 8th class. Certain. he’s a small creepy. but he reeeeally loves me. He’s made one 100 20 seven base on ballss at me. proposed 40 seven times. and sent me over two hundred original love sonnets. He sees something in me. Charles. And he writes it down. in metered poetry! And that’s non something you merely happen every twenty-four hours ; person who truly loves everything about who you are as a individual.

    Paul may be insane. but I value his feelings for me. I would ne’er inquire him to subscribe his name to a piece of paper promising to merely turn off his feelings for me everlastingly. But that’s what you’re inquiring me to make. for you. To subscribe away my right to… to that sweet voice Charles. those baby brown eyes. the manner your custodies feel through my hair before bed… Those aren’t things I want to lose. In fact. I won’t lose them. I won’t lose you. I’ll woo you. I’ve written you a sonnet. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s twenty-four hours?

    Thou art more lovely. and more temperate. unsmooth air currents do agitate the darling buds of May and… ” I’m non shouting. I’m express joying. It’s all a large gag. It’s really funny. Charles. I keep waiting for you to state “April Fools. ” Then I’ll haste into your weaponries and… But you’re non traveling to. are you? No. of class non it’s non April. I. I didn’t truly compose that sonnet. you know. Paul did. I think it’s good. You see. the truth… the truth is. Charles. I ate the divorce documents. I ate them. because I can’t stomach the idea of losing you.

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