My Pro-noun-ciations “Can I have ‘pink nini’?” I asked my parents. They started laughing. Little did I realize, my three year-old self had mixed my parents’ languages, Kannada and Telugu, with English forming my own hybrid. I had asked for a pink drink/juice called Rooh Afza and called in “pink nini” meaning pink water. But that is what I was: a hybrid between America and India.
Eventually, I began to learn my parents’ native languages: Kannada and Telugu. I started to speak both these languages at home regularly with my parents. At the same time, I was learning English in preschool. Eventually, my parents stopped speaking to me in Kannada and Telugu because they wanted me to become proficient in English. Suddenly, my world was flipped upside down as I was introduced to this new, foreign jungle of a language called English. As I started to speak English, I started to mix the languages whenever I didn’t know a word in English hence me asking for “pink nini”.
This routine continued throughout the early years of elementary school where I would slip Kannada or Telugu words into my English. But, as I began to learn more English, what was most evident were my mispronunciations of English words and letters such as the eigth letter of the alphabet “H” as ‘ech’ instead of ‘aitch’, one of my favorite food: pizza as ‘pi-za: instead of ‘peet-za’, and ironically, even the very word pronunciation as ‘pro-noun-cia-shun’ instead of ‘pro-nun-cia-shun’ Because of this fear of mispronouncing words, I would not speak or participate often in class. However, as I began to speak more English, I began to refine my pronunciations of words and began to cultivate an American accent for my English.
In my middle and high school years, my pronunciation was fluent, and I didn’t have an accent at all and didn’t have trouble speaking up in class and participating. Other people in school could understand me perfectly. In fact, I even learned vernaculars which used words like ‘y’all’ and ‘ain’t’ and slang which used words like ‘bruh’ and ‘wassup’. But, unfortunately, as I improved my English, I had forgotten my other native languages (Kannada and Telugu) because my parents switched to speaking only English at home.
The cost of not being able to speak my native languages anymore — although I can still understand them — is substantial. Whenever I go to Indian parties or events, uncles and aunties will speak to me in Kannada or Telugu, and I will not be able to reply. As a result, sometimes, I get labeled as an ABCD which is a term which stands for American-Born Confused Desi (Desi means any person from the Indian subcontinent/diaspora) which essentially points out your inadequacy with Indian culture.
But, in the end, I have come to a realization that regardless of what language I speak; both my Indian and American backgrounds make up essential parts of my identity, and I have come to embrace the hybrid I have become: An American with Indian roots. An engineer who wants to be an entrepreneur. A creative problem-solving leader. Adaptable yet disciplined. Reserved yet approachable. I enjoy being unique from everyone else and relish the fact that I am different. I am a hybrid.
