The adolescent years can be the most tumultuous, unsure and insecure stage of any person as he goes through a transition from childhood to adulthood. At this stage, the search for self identity is foremost as he tries to figure out himself, his role and relationship to the world. Parents therefore had the greatest responsibility to correctly guide the youth to self-knowledge by teaching and providing emotional and psychological support otherwise they may seek such assurances from outside influences who will harm them. The story, “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?” tells of the sad fate of a young girl who became a victim of harmful outside influences. Connie is a typical teenager in search of her identity and her search to find herself, without the correct guidance and support of her parents, made her vulnerable to evil suggestions that led to her ruin.
One of the greatest mistakes that Connie’s parents committed was that they did not correctly teach about the facts of life, especially regarding inward and outward beauty. Outward beauty is a very important factor in growing up for it is one of the powerful weapons that teens use to attract attention and to obtain feelings of belongingness and worth. Connie is acutely aware that she possesses physical beauty and she had the habit of “craning her neck to glance into mirrors”. Unfortunately, like teens her age, Connie thought that beauty is everything and that is why she despises her sister who is “plain and chunky and steady”. Connie’s mother failed to teach her to look at beauty in the right perspective but instead she insults her to be very vain, correcting her with the words “Stop gawking at yourself, who are You, You think you’re so pretty?”. Beauty is not wrong, it should be appreciated and if used properly can be a source of joy (and oftentimes success) for the possessor. But outward beauty is dangerous and oftentimes leads to grief, pride and exploitation if not backed up by inside beauty. It is interesting to note that Connie’s mother, deep inside, actually favored Connie than her sister because of the beauty she possessed. She was once beautiful like Connie and therefore knows what it is like to be beautiful. It seemed clear, however, that her mother too had a skewed perspective on beauty and so she was not able to teach Connie on how to handle her beauty correctly. Meanwhile, the phrase that says Connie kept on “checking other people’s faces to make sure her own was all right” also suggest that people’s comment on her look is very important for her self-esteem. Connie feels alright when people approve and notice her beauty. It is no wonder then that Arnold Friend is able to psychologically entice her to do what he wants by frequently commenting on how pretty she is.
It is also a tragedy that instead of affirming her own unique personality and encouraging her to be who she is inside (with her unique gifts and talents and preference) Connie’s mother “who noticed everything and knew everything”, constantly compare her to her older sister, June. Her mother always complain that she does not helped in the cleaning and cooking like her sister does. Also, her manner of dressing and adorning is always compared to how her sister dresses (“You don’t see your sister wearing that junk!”). Connie receives approval for her activities if her sister also does it, like going out with friends. She was therefore programmed to believe that everything she does is right if her sister does it and everything that she does is wrong if her sister do not it, too. But this idea is problematic and unreasonable for not all people have the same tastes and preferences and obviously most of her sister’s preferences are in conflict with Connie’s personality. It is no wonder then that Connie live a double life: to please her parents, Connie tried to do what they want and when out of their sight she does what she wants. For example, “she wore a pullover blouse that look one way and another way when she was away from home”.
It is also very sad that Connie’s father does not take the time to sit down and teach her about the hard facts of life and enforces his authority. All he does is work and when he comes home he just wants his supper and read the newspaper. In fact, he just let his wife discipline his children for “around his bent head his mother kept picking at her until Connie wished her mother was dead and she herself was dead”. He ignored Connie and therefore, let her face the tumult and insecurity of her teen years all by herself and does not exercise authority when needed. No wonder then that Connie turned to others to find comfort and affirmation. It is very unfortunate that the father of her friend was as uncaring as his father is for he let the girls do what they want in the plaza without bothering to ask what they do. Her friend’s father could have serve as a substitute for the lack of discipline that Connie gets from her own dad. Another avenue that Connie tries to use as a replacement guide for self identity is music. Like most teens she is very fond of music and the lyrics of these songs had helped shaped her views. The story suggest that music had greatly permeated and made a strong influence on Connie’s soul and personality around this time ( “the music was always on the background…it was something to depend upon”). Music is a very powerful weapon in influencing the listeners to do good or bad, depending on the kind of song that is being played, of course. In the story, Ellie, Arnold’s friend, is listening to music while his friend tried to seduce and trick Connie to go out with him. As he is listening to the songs, Ellie had repeatedly asked Arnold if he wants him to disconnect the phone line connection so that Connie could not call the police. Ellie, with music on his ear, while at the same time helping his evil friend to do an evil deed is very symbolic of the negative influence that music can have on people.
Growing up in this environment, coupled with the uncertainty of adolescence as one searches for self- identity, it can be said that Connie’s foundation is very shaky indeed. She had no self-confidence for while at home she is always being criticized for behaving differently from her sister. She is never given the chance to stand up for who she is, for expressing what she wants which is essential for true self-knowledge. Because of the criticisms of her mother, Connie is not sure if her ideas are correct and because she is ignored by her father she thought that her idea or what she thinks is really not important. But since it is critical for any human being to clearly define himself and to really understand and know who he is in relation to the world that he lived in, Connie constantly tries to find affirmation from other people. The affirmation that she sought was easily obtain through her beauty. No wonder that she finds so much joy when she roams in the plaza for in that place the admiring glances give her a sense of self-worth. But since this self-worth is derived from others and not from deep within her, it does not help Connie to become a person with an independent, secure mind. The double life that Connie lived , coupled with the heavy criticisms of her mother while at the same time ignored by her father, had put cracks on her foundation that even the affirmation that she gained from outside sources was not able to patch up the cracks. It is therefore a matter of time, with the right negative circumstances and influences that Connie will crumble to self-destruction.
Connie met her destructive end when she met Arnold Friend. Arnold Friend is a master of deception. He is older, around thirty years old, but he tried to present himself as an eighteen year old guy. Arnold Friend’s greatest weapon. This attitude therefore stands in contrast to the insecurity of Connie. The night that he saw Connie while riding in his golden jalopy he said , “Gonna get you baby” with such confidence as if he was so sure that nothing in this world can stop him from getting her. Of course, in order to be effective in enticing Connie, he had to know a lot about her. He find out what her name is and tell her he knew where his parents are, what they are doing and when they are coming back. He also tells her that he knew a lot of her friends. This knowledge conveys to Connie that he knew what he is doing and therefore she cannot escape. Although he had some obvious mistakes and weaknesses, like when he almost trip over, Arnold Friend never stops to establish the impression that he is in command of the whole situation even when Connie threatens that she will call the place if he will not go away. In the midst of such fearful threat, Arnold tried to maintain his composure. To make Connie do what he wants he expertly combine both sweet and threatening suggestions, using Connie’s weapon of self-worth, physical beauty, to his advantage. He made everything so clear for Connie, telling her what her beauty is for and her intention to sexually use her. The insecure Connie was at first flattered with the “secure” Arnold and then felt terrified when she realized his intentions but then eventually , the sweet assuring words of Arnold Friend had successfully penetrated into her whole being and reaches down into her already cracked foundation, as suggested when Arnold’s voice become like the voice on the music radio. When that happens, all the guard that Connie tried to put around herself crumbled, and with a false belief that she is doing it to protect her family from harm, she succumbed to Arnold’s harmful enticements.
This story clearly points out how vulnerable teens are from the influences of others in their teen years as they search for self-identify in their transition to assume adult roles. The lack of guidance and support from parents causes the teens, like Connie, to develop shaky personalities with no self-confidence which then others can expertly exploit to their advantage but to the detriment of the teen.
