Anyone who says that life is easy and fun has clearly not been living it long enough to realize that there are too many challenging and life-changing experiences that keep life as action packed as any good action movie or as emotional heart wrenching as a good tragedy story. in fact, the marital bliss that is reflected in on-screen romances clearly comes from the perspective of some young idealist who has no idea just what it takes to keep a marriage going; a naïve perspective that fails to see that true happiness may actually exist outside of a marriage. Yet, despite the challenges of marriage, millions of people decide to get married every year. In fact, marriage, with all its hype, is something that people in the gay community are all going for.
While marriage is indeed advisable for couples who are very much in love, it must be argued that marriage can only be allowed for couples and should be allowed for same-sex couples. There are several reasons why same-sex marriage should not be allowed and this brief discussion will try to highlight the various reasons why.
In order to arrive at a better understanding of the issue, it is important to first outline the importance and goal of marriage and the efforts that have been done to preserve this social institution. Marriage is so important as a social institution that it is not something that is just allowed to anyone. Marriage is one of the few contracts that require that the parties to it are of legal age. No other contract, under law, requires that the parties are of the age of majority in order to enter into it. Not following this requirement is against the law and voids the marriage. As such, it is clear that as a social contract between members of society, marriage is very important and sacred and must be entered into willingly and knowingly.
In fact, in response to this, even the church has mandated marriage counseling to preserve this social institution called marriage. Given that divorce rates all over the world have risen, there is a growing pressure from the more traditional and conservative sectors of society to impose mandatory marriage counseling. The church has argued that by providing for mandatory marriage counseling the sanctity of marriage is preserved and in the long run the emotional development of not only newlyweds but of their future children and families is also improved. As such, it is clear that there is so much at stake with regard to marriage.
The first reason why same-sex marriage should not be allowed is because it brings problems to society. Research has shown that children who grow up in a same-sex environment encounter more problems than other children that were raised in heterosexual families. The reason for this is that it has been argued that children are not very well adapted to social situations and scenarios because of the environment that they grow up in. They are not able to see just how family functions and the roles that people are supposed to play in society.
The basic unit of every society is the family. Human beings, being recognizably social in nature, function as groups and the basic unit in all these groups is the family. It is then safe to argue that the weakening of the family can be the primary cause of some of the problems that society is currently facing. The reason for this is that at the most basic level the most important social and moral functions are presumably instilled upon each of the younger members in order to prepare them for their interaction which a much larger social group which is society. This basic task of preparing the children falls upon the parents of the family upon whom all impressions and predetermined notions devolve from. The problem, however, is that because of the weakening of the family due to the inability of the parents to fulfill their roles the younger individuals are sent into the world unprepared to face the challenges of social interaction at a larger scale.
If same-sex marriage is allowed there will be more problems becomes the family as a basic structural unit in society becomes incomplete. It is not necessarily because of there being not enough adult supervision but rather the fact that most modern households, something which may have begun in the 1960s, operate under what is called the single household model, which is even more emphasized in same-sex marriages. In this model, there is one active parent playing all the same roles in the family. There is no duality which clearly demonstrates the nature of society as one of cooperation. In most instance, basic family units, even as early as the 60s, had only one parent present at one time or no parents during the day and in certain cases during the evening. This is the same thing that happens in same-sex marriages.
Admittedly, society and gender roles have changed. This has nothing to do with homosexuality or lesbianism. It has to do with how one properly understands and deals with one’s sexuality. The definition or basis for what a man or a woman is has been predetermined by society. The biblical passage of the creation of Adam and Eve may have been the source of all of this controversy regarding sexual boundaries and how a man and a women should act because after all a part of a whole can never be greater than the whole. Such a distinction however is already antiquated and no longer responsive to the understanding of sexuality that is present today.
While this may certainly be true, it still cannot be argued that same-sex marriage will be beneficial to the growth and development of children. According to studies done in countries and states that have accepted same-sex marriages, the incidence of divorce and occurrence of family disputes happens more in same-sex households than it does in others. This break-up can be detrimental to the emotional growth of children. Long-term conflict between parents is damaging to children, their sense of identity and understanding about relationships. It is not in their best interest for parents to remain together for the sake of their children if this means the children will live in an environment of hostility, regret or conflict. Relationship counselor and author Suzie Hayman agrees with this but stresses that children might not initially see it this way. “Divorce and separation are very adult solutions to an adult problem. However, children will probably think and feel differently. They might want their parents to stay together, no matter what, and be obviously very hurt and upset by the idea of them splitting up. However, despite this, it is very harmful for children to grow up in a hostile atmosphere, where parents are constantly fighting or, worse, being abusive.
It cannot be argued that same-sex marriages should be allowed because they are unable to procreate and cannot have children. This would run contrary to the essence of marriage and family life. Without children, life would be dull, boring and utterly meaningless. The joy that a child’s smile can bring to a parent even after a long and harrowing day is comparable to no other. No matter how difficult the day was, there is solace in knowing that one is able to come home and see her child. Children become the motivation that keeps parents going at it and enduring the daily grind. They soothe away all pain and replace it with a warmth and joy that is enough to make one repeat to herself just how lucky she is in life.
As divorces continue to erode at the fabric of society and continue to be cited as the cause for not only messy property relations and unstable child development, it is expected that more and more regulations will be passed making same-sex marriages illegal. It should be important to bear in mind however that while the goal of savings and preserving marriages is a noble one, the policies and regulations imposed should not be such as to erode the very essence of a marriage. Marriage is still a very solemn sacrament that must be preserved. The beauty and mystery of marriage is in how it unites two people together and allows them to not only exist as individuals but as a couple.
References:
Burgin, Debbie What Are You Waiting for? Martinis for Everyone! Divorce Advice Center Journal April 2005 2 pages pg 34-36
Wallerstein, Judith. Lewis, Julia and Blakeslee, Sandra The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study. New York: Hyperion, 2005. ISBN 0-7868-6394-3, 352 pages.
Giarrusso, R., V. L. Bengtson, and M. Stallings. 1994. The “intergenerational stake” hypothesis revisited. Parent-child differences in perceptions of relationships 20 years later. In Adult intergenerational relations, eds. V. L. Bengston, K. W. Schaie, and L. M. Burton, 227-263. New York: Springer.
McDonald, P. 2000. Gender equity, social institutions and the future of fertility. Journal of Population Research 17:1-16.
