Although depression may seem like a negative aspect of one’s life, through my hardships I was able to gain a sense of self-worth and empowerment. When I was twelve, I entered a middle school program at Academy with the highest of hopes. In spite of the conventional struggles that every kid goes through, I was able to wake up each day eager to go to school. Simultaneously, however, my relationship with my mother deteriorated. Constantly stressed, she gained a habit of excessive vituperation. So much so that by the time I turned fourteen, every day had become a struggle. My home life was taking such a substantial toll on my mental health that I would wake up missing the joy and enthusiasm I once had for school and everyday life. As the year progressed, the altercations between my family & I only got worse, so I fell into the habit of venting to my grandparents. Quickly, they became my rocks.
Unfortunately, my grandfather’s health began to topple like dominoes. First, he lost his memory to dementia. Then, he had become violent and upset, often angry that he did not remember things that had just happened. Lastly, he developed cataracts. In just a year, my grandfather lost his mind, his kind heart, and his sight. I watched this all from afar as I lived with my mother, believing I had too many of my own problems to even begin to delve into Grandpa’s.
When my sophomore year began, I still struggled heavily with depression. I was constantly getting in trouble and did not want to come to school anymore. I had fostered such a hatred for myself that sometimes I did not even want to wake up in the morning. Sick of my situation and disappointed in who I had become, I withdrew from, enrolled in an online school, and moved in with my grandparents, where I felt safe. My presence comforted my grandfather, and finally I felt like more than just a ‘waste of space’, something I had convinced myself I undoubtedly was. My current duties to my grandfather include feeding him, walking with him, and making sure he takes his medication. But, arguably most importantly, I am there for him; someone to talk to. I make sure he never feels lonely. Being with him, feeling like I made a difference in someone’s life, and finally feeling needed empowered and validated me.
As a result of this, almost immediately, my grades and focus improved. My enthusiasm for education returned and I even facilitated a safe study environment for my friends. All of my teachers openly expressed their appreciation for the care and dedication I devoted to my work. I channeled my energy into bettering myself and those around me instead of using it to destroy myself as I once did. Things I enjoyed so greatly before my depression, such as volunteering at my local soup kitchen, became a priority again, as did developing my talents in piano and writing. I learned to give myself time, to trust myself, and I learned the joy in helping others.
Presently, my Grandpa is stronger and happier as a result of my consistent companionship. I love my grandfather and providing geriatric care for him has been nourishing for my soul and our bond. By caring for him, I feel as though I am simply repaying him for all the invaluable life lessons he taught me and good characteristics he helped me maintain. My place newly filled by a day nurse, I am ready to fly the coop. I aspire to go to college and find myself so that one day I will be able to use my skills for caring, loving, and nurturing in a whole new way, as I have been teaching myself to do over the last two years.
