I had always thought that life never gave you more than you can handle; as a child my mother always told me that God was looking out; that he would keep you sane and safe. Its seems as though as I grew older; a series of events slowly deteriorated my faith in God, I had assumed that you only get one or two tragedies in life, movies had always made it seem that way, It was when I finally experienced my own tragedies that my eyes opened. One thing after another being dropped on me; as if a crane was dropping a large pile of dirt, drowning me in my sorrow. It all started with one thing and then the rest came along in a domino effect, In 2012, I was only 14 years old, when the first tragedy struck. Earlier in the year of 2011, after about 20 years in prison, my uncle was finally proven innocent and released. Fast forward a year and he had been finally getting his life back together.
He had found his place in our big family once again and all was well. In fact he married in the summer of 2012, and inherited himself a stepson. He was finally happy, we all were, until out of nowhere in the middle of a peaceful night, he became very ill. My aunt quickly took him to the emergency room and informed the nurse of the dire symptoms he was experiencing. Except he was never shown attention in that room, they never got around to it before he just. The part that made me think and dwell on his death was that if they had just given him a second of attention he would still be here, he would still be alive today. Its ironic that the same thing that put him in prison all those years was the same exact thing that killed him. People would take one look at him and think he was some kind of gang member who probably did kill that man, or probably got in a fight and doesn’t deserve immediate care.
The hatred I had for this hospital that let my uncle die under their watch was too much hate for a girl to have at such a young age. As time went on I began to come to terms with his death and the many misconceptions that ultimately took his life from him. It was my grandmother soon after that continuously broke my heart; the death had hit her the hardest, We were afraid for her health until she showed her strength and kept holding on for the sake of those of us who needed her. It’s the good people that have the hard lives. That was proven when once again we all lost another amazing person in our family. This time it had been my Aunt Lucy; her depression had taken over her in the years and there was nothing we could do to save her. She lost her battle in the spring of 2013.
This one hit me hard, really, really hard. I couldn’t fathom why God would do such a thing; why he would allow two kindhearted, good, wholesome people be ripped from their families all too soon. As I cried and cried for hours holding my mother, trying to comfort me as well as herself, she told me “Honey, God took them for a reason, he needed his wonderful angels.” I couldn’t help but think we need them more. This time around my grandma wasn’t so strong, I’ve seen her cry too many times to count; each breaking my heart more and more. lts times like this that really show your character and strength, I decided instead of dwelling on the pain of another lost love one, I would accept it and move on. From there I began to visit my grandmother frequently, I was constantly checking on her. I did my best to bring a smile to her face, to make her laugh.
She had missed Christmas and New Years that year; no matter how hard I tried, I could not cheer her up enough to get her to come with me. I still continue to try and get her back to herself today. I’ve learned something else from this besides that the world can be cruel. I learned that after a thunder storm; you really do get a beautiful rainbow. My Aunt Cindy is pregnant, and thejoy this child already is bringing to me is immense. I might even get to be the Godmother to this child. It’s really true; when you lose someone near and dear, you are given someone new to love and to cherish. Sure life is still hard now; there being so many things to worry about but I just feel like things maybe looking up. Thats the funny thing about life it always seems as it had this planned all along As it the tragedies I had to go through and continue to go through were just something I had to pass to get to the joy of being a Godmotheri I still cry and I still have to deal with awful things but at least now I have something to look forward to.
