Birth order theory demonstrates that a child’s personality is determined by their order of birth within a family. First born children are expected to accomplish more in their lives. The middle child or children tend to be the peacekeepers, and the youngest child, or “baby” of the family often gets away with infractions that the other children do not. “Only children”, that is, a child with no siblings, is thought to have more difficulty establishing relationships with peers. I grew up as an only child, later acquiring two stepbrothers.
One aspect of birth order theory involves the intelligence of children and their siblings.
the opportunity to teach younger siblings is thought to increase IQ; clearly last-born siblings and only children suffer in this respect. (Lamb, 1982, p. 62)
This theory makes sense: after all, children want to be able to do the same things as their siblings, such as reading, riding a bike, playing a game, so it follows that younger siblings would learn earlier and faster. I essentially grew up an only child, but I didn’t find that I had difficulty learning, nor did I learn how to do things later than other children my age. It can also be said that I lacked intelligence because I had no younger sibling to tutor. However, there is no evidence that tutoring a sibling results in higher intelligence for the sibling doing the tutoring. (Lamb, 1982, p. 293). There is plenty of evidence that even very young children can tutor their siblings, tests have been limited to studies of social skills and academia, the aspects of intelligence which are the most obvious. Finally, even though having younger siblings increases the opportunities for the older siblings to tutor, there is no evidence about how much tutoring of younger siblings actually goes on within a family. My position as an only child might be equivalent to that of a child with many siblings.
The most common perception about only children is that they are:
generally maladjusted, self-centered and self-willed, attention-seeking and dependent on others, temperamental and anxious, generally unhappy and unlikeable, and yet somewhat more autonomous than a child with two siblings Speaking in general purposes, this theory may be correct. Often, only children are self-centered, due to the fact that they grow up not being required to share their belongings or their parents’ attention. Only children have more difficulty in romantic relationships due to the fact that they are not used to compromising. My experiences have reflected this view. I must disagree that only children are generally “unhappy and unlikeable”, or that we depend on others. Only children, as a rule, have no one to depend on growing up but ourselves. I am a very outgoing and adventurous person, so I can agree that I am more autonomous than a person who grew up with siblings.
Only children tend to achieve more because their parents are putting all of their expectations and resources into one child. In addition, only children have no siblings on which to place blame when things go wrong. This statement is accurate, in that I have always been a high achiever. Having the undivided attention of my parents meant that I didn’t have to wait for help with homework, or to have a burning question answered. Cliff Isaacson, a minister who has studied birth order theory for 25 years, stated that only children were easier to raise and more creative (Fleck, 1997). He adds that the theory of only children being spoiled is incorrect, as spoiling occurs when parents give their children things in place of love; only children get their parents’ undivided attention and therefore, their unequivocal love. This was my experience growing up. I had my parents’ attention and their time. While I did enjoy the benefits of not having to share holidays with siblings, my parents didn’t buy things for me to substitute for their presence.
The lives of only children as compared to children with siblings have been studied both qualitatively and quantitatively. In a 1983 study by Ernst and Angst, they found that only children scored higher in the categories of motivation and self-esteem (Falbo, 1992, p. 74). In addition, there were many attributes such as generosity, self-control and emotional stability, in which only children scored similarly to those children with siblings. As a result, the study found that there is no disadvantage to being an only child, and that the perceived disadvantages were often a result of old wives’ tales, speculation, and a misunderstanding of why parents would want to deny their child a sibling. The study also found that only children were often the result of single parenthood or an unstable marriage (the couple did not want to bring more children into a troubled marriage, or they divorced before this was possible). I can agree with this, as I am the only child of divorced parents.
While I didn’t grow up with siblings, I acquired two stepbrothers later in life. I am not particularly close to either of them, but I do not resent their presence, nor their impact on my time with my mother. In conclusion, I find that older ideas about only children are completely wrong. I am neither selfish nor spoiled; I do not expect to be the center of attention, nor am I less intelligent as a result of not having older siblings to tutor me. I am outgoing, creative, and adventurous. I often wonder what my life would have been like with siblings, but clearly, not having them had no ill-effects on my personality or my chances of future achievement.
Works Cited:
Falbo, T. (1992). Chapter 5 Social Norms and The One-Child Family: Clinical and Policy Implications. In Children’s Sibling Relationships: Developmental and Clinical Issues, Boer, F. ; Dunn, J. (Eds.) (pp. 71-81). Hillsdale, NJ:
Fleck, C. (1997, July 22). Parents’ Support Gives Only Child the Ability to Succeed in World. The Washington Times, p. 3.
(1982). Sibling Relationships: Their Nature and Significance across the Lifespan (M. E. Lamb & B. Sutton-Smith, Ed.). Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
