Good evening everyone, and welcome to the Toy Expo of 2012. I hope we all enjoyed our low calorie dinner, which will help you achieve the perfect doll like body. Anyways, let me introduce myself, my name is Barbie and I will be your host tonight. Now, now, before you blame me for your daughter’s insecurities, I am telling you that it is not my fault. Just because I am skinny and blonde, it doesn’t mean that others need to be in order to be beautiful, although it might help… Anyways, tonight I am here to talk to you about a serious matter that affects everyone of you in here. It has come to my attention, that you, as parents, seem to believe that myself and my fellow Barbie’s are intending to set a bad example for your children.
Firstly, let’s all imagine ourselves as a Barbie doll – try not to feel too envious; the fact that we are fashioned after flawlessness is not our fault. Now, envision a toy store nearby, brimming with countless imitations wrapped in paper made from the extinct rainforest. Meanwhile, you are perched on the shelf, eagerly anticipating being chosen by a new owner. Finally, that moment arrives when a young girl picks you up and asks her mother for permission to have you. As you raise your hopes, believing that you will finally find a genuine home, the little girl’s mother contemplates how her daughter might feel inadequate if she realizes she does not resemble or behave like a Barbie. Consequently, her mother declines and you are left behind, gathering dust on the shelf. Okay, let’s return to our original selves and employ some rational thinking for a moment.
Refusing to let your daughter have the new doll she wanted means you have taken away years of joy from her. Consequently, she will most likely feel very upset with you, and we both know how that will play out. In addition, instead of playing with me and participating in physical activities such as going on a bike ride, your daughter will now spend her time sitting on the couch, watching TV, and eating chips. Personally, I find it ridiculous that you blame us for your daughter not having a “Barbie Body.” It is your responsibility since you are the one who initially put her on the couch.
On the other hand, supporters and I argue that myself and my fellow Barbie dolls serve as exceptional role models. Despite having to engage in activities such as attending school, eating, sleeping, and fulfilling numerous daily functions, we have successfully pursued 108 careers over the past five decades. Hence, it becomes immensely frustrating to hear complaints about lacking sufficient time to complete tasks or walk one’s dog. We Barbies accomplish significantly more throughout our lives compared to you. To effectively handle all your responsibilities, simply reduce sleep hours and skip meals. This truly isn’t a challenging feat; hence I am perplexed as to why you do not exert enough effort to accomplish everything efficiently. All I can express is disappointment towards your lack of dedication.
Despite being viewed by many as materialistic, I see no issue with it. I take pleasure in acquiring shoes, convertibles, clothes, houses, and credit cards. The compulsion to purchase them when encountering something I adore is not my fault. In fact, I believe that materialism can enhance one’s character. It demands a substantial income which ultimately leads to happiness. Additionally, possessing a significant amount of money allows you to acquire whatever you desire and experience even greater joy. Your friends may also accompany you on shopping sprees. However, if you ever find yourself in debt upon receiving the bills, there is no need for concern!
To retrieve your money, simply leave your current job and switch to a more lucrative profession. There’s no need to worry about securing the new position; if additional education is necessary, don’t hesitate to pursue it without concern for tuition expenses. After all, isn’t that what banks are designed for? Once you acquire a loan from the bank, any funds previously spent on luxury items like shoes and cars will eventually be replenished through years of diligent labor. At that point, you can restart the cycle anew. Don’t stress over repaying the bank’s initial deposit either. Based on personal experience, with enough patience, they’ll likely forget about it altogether. And in case they do remember, simply alter your appearance and assert their confusion with another individual – this strategy always proves effective! This is precisely how I achieved success and managed 108 different occupations. Embracing a materialistic lifestyle is the secret – trust me when I say it’s truly remarkable!
So, I believe this concludes my presentation and gives you parents enough evidence that myself and other Barbie dolls are truly positive role models. I hope this has taught you not to believe everything you hear, including the rumor that suggests Barbie supports deforestation. That rumor refers to a different Barbie. Anyway, I hope you all have a great evening and remember to take your loot bag as you leave. It contains a tape that teaches your kids how to emulate me!
