Good evening everyone, and welcome to the Toy Expo of 2012. I hope we all enjoyed our low calorie dinner, which will help you achieve the perfect doll like body. Anyways, let me introduce myself, my name is Barbie and I will be your host tonight. Now, now, before you blame me for your daughter’s insecurities, I am telling you that it is not my fault. Just because I am skinny and blonde, it doesn’t mean that others need to be in order to be beautiful, although it might help… Anyways, tonight I am here to talk to you about a serious matter that affects everyone of you in here. It has come to my attention, that you, as parents, seem to believe that myself and my fellow Barbie’s are intending to set a bad example for your children, well in this speech I will suggest to you that, that is not true.
First, I would like everyone to visualize yourself as a Barbie- now try not to get too jealous; it’s not our fault we were modeled after perfection. Anyways, imagine your local toy store, the store is filled with you and all these “wanna be’s” secured in a paper wrapping from that rainforest that is now non-existent, and you are sitting on the shelf waiting to get picked up by a new owner! So that moment comes, when a little girl picks you up and asks her mommy if she can have you. While your getting your hopes up, because you believe your finally going to a true home, the little girls mom is thinking about things such as her little girl will realize she does not look and act like a Barbie and get upset. Because of this, her mom says no and you are left on the shelf collecting dust. Okay, now become yourselves again and lets think logically for a second.
Since, you have just denied your daughter from years and years of happiness because you would not let her the new doll she drooled over, she is going to be very upset with you, and we both know how that will turn out. Also, now your daughter will now sit on the couch, all day, watching TV, while eating chips instead of playing with me and participating in physical activity by taking me on a bike ride. Personally, I think its ridiculous that you blame the fact that your daughter does not have a “Barbie Body” on us, I mean its your fault for putting her on the couch in the first place.
On the other hand, all of my supporters believe myself and my fellow Barbie’s are great role models because despite all the other things we had to do such as go to school, eat, sleep, and many other daily functions, we have not only managed to participate but we have successfully completed 100 and 8 careers in the past 50 years. So listening to all this crap about not having enough time to complete your work or take your dog for its walk, gets really frustrating considering that us Barbie’s do much more in our life times than yours. All you need to do in order to complete all your tasks is: cut down on sleep and not eat, which really is not that hard, so I am baffled why you do not work hard enough to get everything done, all this leaves me to say is shame on you.
Finally, many people believe I am a materialistic- what’s the problem with that!? It seems that you are all judging me because I love shoes, convertibles, clothes, houses, and credit cards! It’s not my fault that when I see a new house or a beautiful pair of heels in the window of a store that I need to buy them! In fact, I believe that if you are a materialistic it will make you a better person. This is because in order to be a materialistic, you need to make a lot of money, which obviously will make you happier. And then once you make all that money you can spend it all and buy everything you want- which again, will make you a happier person and you’ll find that your friends come shopping with you more often. However, when the bills come in and you’re all out of money; there’s no need to fret!
All you need to do in order to get your money back is quit your job and choose another career choice with a higher pay! Don’t worry about how you’re going to get that job, if you need to go back to university, just do it and don’t be worried about the cost of tuition. I mean isn’t that what the bank is for anyways? And after you get that loan from the bank, all the money you spent on shoes and cars will flow back into your pockets after a few years of hard work and then you can repeat the cycle all over again! Oh, and don’t worry about that down payment you owe the bank, I know this from personal experience that if you wait long enough they will eventually forget you owe it to them! And on the odd chance they do, just change your wig and tell them they have misplaced you for a different person- it works every time! I mean how do you think I turned out so successful and had 108 jobs? It happened because I am living a materialistic lifestyle, and let me tell you it rocks!!
So I think that should wrap it up and provides you parents with enough evidence that myself and other Barbie’s are truly good role models. I hope this all taught you to not believe everything you hear- which includes the rumor that suggests Barbie supports deforestation, that’s another Barbie. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy the rest of your evenings, and don’t forget to grab your loot bag on the way out; it includes a tape for your kids that teaches them how to become like me!