“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention, so you can change your life” (Gilbert, 2006). As a child I always heard of those little stories about true love and true soulmates and in that little world of mine I kept wishing that one day I would have a soul mate.
However, reading this book opened up my eyes and made me realize that I have always had a soulmate-my mirror. The author of the book has portrayed that sometimes all you have to do is take a look at finding yourself rather than trying to be perfect for others. In this analysis I will focus on giving a brief summary of the book “Eat, Pray, Love” and the three psychological factors related to motivation and emotion that were evident in this book.
When you cannot find something in life what do you do? The logical answer would be you look for it and you may have to look in many different places for it. Sometimes when you want to continue walking, you have to step into somewhere you do not know. The book Eat, Pray, Love was basically a true story written by the Author Elizabeth Gilbert where a woman was basically searching for her true self. She did so by travelling to Italy, India and Indonesia; the three ‘I’s.”
The woman in the story was a journalist and writer and she had suffered a bad divorce and was looking at herself, she needed to change, and she acknowledged that. So, she was basically in a mid-life crisis at the age of thirty trying to figure out what she really wanted while going through a phase of depression. While going through both the divorce and the depression, she decided to date another man, and this made her feel better, it made her feel as though her life was changing for good. However, this man was not the man she was looking for and she went back into her state of depression.
If you have ever felt drained, then you would understand how Liz felt now. She was drained, and she no longer felt motivated enough for anything. This made her make drastic life decisions and changes. She acknowledged all the mistakes she made before and after the divorce she needed to find herself, the real person that was trapped deep down. The reason her six-year marriage had ended was because she wanted to get out.
Liz wanted her career more than a husband and a child. In order to recover she decided her life changes were going to be ‘finding herself’ by traveling to different countries for a year where she found a significance to motivate herself and to bring back her mental and physical wellbeing. She started with the simple things and simple pleasures in Italy where she learned to ‘Eat’. When she flew to Rome, she got physical pleasures from tasting the great foods and drinks. She also learned the language she loved the most; Italian. The men she spoke to in Italy melted her heart and gave her pleasure just from the Romantic language they spoke.
However, the four months in Italy was not much of a grand help because she was still battling with depression. This made Liz follow the rest of her plan and fly to India. This time Liz was exploring her spiritual side in an ashram (temple) in India. She sat for hours in meditation and took very little time to focus on her physical needs and wants.
This is where Liz followed the “Pray” part of her self- exploration. She then moved onto the “Love” part where she went to Bali, Indonesia and met someone who she fell in love with and he became her husband. Basically, Liz healed, she grew, and she changed on her journey to self- recovery. Many people are afraid of change. Change is like a fear that is buried deep in their minds and is unable to disappear. Those who are able to change or able to accept change tend to have a drive or a force that may make them want to change.
In relationships especially, if someone is with their spouse for a long time, sometimes they tend to settle for less and live in misery even though they know that they deserve better. If you do not buy a ticket can you win a lottery? If you do not take a chance in a raffle can you win the car you have been wanting to win? So how can change occur if you are not actively participating in the process? In the case of Liz, even though she was in pain, she found comfort because she was in familiar territory.
However, even though she was afraid of being ruined by changed or she had her fears of change she had a drive pushing her to be the best she can be. Pushing her to fight the depression and live her dreams by traveling and enjoying her career at the same time. So, Liz took off to find herself. She fell apart, she changed and the “breakdown” brought her beautiful growth opportunities. In order to grow, there has to be some effort being put in and her ‘effort’ was leaving and putting herself first.
Who is responsible for your life? Who is the person sailing your ship? Who is the person making your next move? It is all you. You are responsible for your own happiness and this is what Liz began to realize after the divorce. There were both intrinsic and extrinsic factors motivating her to be who she wanted to really be. I will speak about Liz’s fulfillment of needs in the book according to Abraham Maslow’s theory. Maslow’s theory is basically based on a pyramid of human needs. It starts off with the most basic of needs being physical needs, safety, love and belonging, self-esteem needs and then finally self-actualization.
Physical needs are met by food, drink, sex, sleep etc. In the book it is evident that Liz’s physical needs have been fulfilled she lives an amazing life and has a good career. She has a house that she just bought along with food, drinks, sleep etc. The next need on the pyramid for survival is safety needs. Liz also had safety because she had a safe house around her friends and colleagues, she had her husband and she was an independent woman with financial safety, so the safety need was also met.
The third need in the hierarchy is the need of love and belonging. Liz also met this need because she had gotten love from her husband, her family, her friends and even David. After the divorce with her husband, Elizabeth developed a special relationship with David who loved her and took care of her and showed his care for her. He fulfilled her need for love and longing after the divorce.
The next need is the need of self- esteem. Liz also felt the self- esteem need. She has all the physical, safety and love needs however, she feels that self-esteem is important for her. In order to have her self-esteem needs fulfilled and to feel honored, Liz maintained her career, she kept a good relationship with other people and she joined a few activities. The next need is self- actualization and it is the highest need on the pyramid. It can occur when one fulfills all their other needs on the pyramid. Even though she had everything she needed; money, love, food, etc. Liz still desired for more.
Everything she had become meaningless because she wanted to be a free woman and she wanted to be able to have success without household obligations holding her back. This is what made her leave everything she had to fulfill her desire. The story basically shows how one is motivated to get to a higher point after they have fulfilled their other needs. According to Erikson, as human beings develop they may encounter psychosocial conflicts.
In the book it was evident that Liz was going through the conflict of Intimacy versus Isolation. The conflict may occur in adolescence when teenagers try to identify their role in society. This can cause one to make changes in their lives to find themselves. If the issues do not get resolved in adolescence it may cause a conflict to arise in a later stage. In the book, Liz changed her entire life around because she was going through the psychosocial conflict of Intimacy versus Isolation.
It was difficult for her to make relationship decisions such as should she jump into another relationship or should she take her time. She had to start over, discover herself and then she could jump into the dating world again. By the time one reaches middle age or they are between the ages of twenty and thirty nine, they tend to decide whether they should go into a long term relationship or whether to isolate themselves from the concept of love and relationships.
According to Erikson, it is important for one to discover themselves and their relationships in early adulthood. This allows the individual to gain personal identity. Liz no doubt had an amazingly successful career, however, when it came to personal identity that is where her problem was. She did not know who she truly was even though she was married, and her life was supposedly “stable.” The identity crisis came about when she began wanting something different and desiring to find something new. She had not discovered her personal identity so when the realization hit her she had to get up and leave.
Furthermore, Liz had a need for autonomy. The need for autonomy is basically where one does what they want to do. They choose their own goals and find their own ways to accomplish them. This need is relevant when it is contrasted with the external control of one’s behavior. An example can be that one’s needs could be dictated by another individual, and it may fulfil their expectations, but it may not fulfill the individuals’ personal desires (Dekker).
In the book it can be seen that Liz was self- determined to find her true identity and to do so with her own goals and using her own ways to accomplish the goals. Liz’s strong passion and desire to get what she really wants shows that she is motivated and that she is making a strong effort to find herself. Her motivation came from within. She was unhappy in a marriage where she no longer wanted to have household obligations or have a baby or deal with her husband. She loved him, but she no longer wanted to be unhappy. We can see that Liz was internally or intrinsically motivated because she wanted to do this for herself. She wanted to be happy, so she changed her life.
Happiness was her drive which was acting as a push factor to get Liz to where she wanted to be. Moreover, Liz had everything a woman could possibly desire. She had a car, she had a house, she had an amazing husband, great friends and loving people, but she still however, was not happy. Most people would say she is ungrateful. How could she have everything and still be unhappy? Liz did not have everything. She had all the things she did not need. What she needed was to find who she really was in order to be happy.
It can be seen that she was much happier when she found who she truly was in Italy, India and Indonesia. After finding herself, she fell in love with a Man named Filipe from Brazil who lived in Bali. Liz was afraid to love him and get hurt again but with convincing she finally confessed that she loved him. To conclude, there were many psychological factors evident in the book “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. It was clear that Liz had many life conflicts such as her marital conflict and her identity conflict because she was not familiar with her self- identity. Her drives and push factors were evident in her journey to find happiness. In the end she falls in love with both herself and the Brazilian Felipe. The book overall was interesting and fascinating.
